Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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