Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
