your room smells of hookers.
And success
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
