She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
