I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize