Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
