Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
