Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
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