guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
