Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
