Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am one with the molecules
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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