It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
