Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
