I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
