so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
