Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
