I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
