Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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