just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you win again, gameday.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
