I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
