do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
