I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
