Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize