I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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