it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
