Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
