how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
