We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
