my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
