I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
