Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
