do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
