since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
