are you still at the devil's house?
Can i not drive my cunt home
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
