guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
