Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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