I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I will be naked everywhere
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
