I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
