I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
