i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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