This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
