She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
