I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
