I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
