I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
