We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
