idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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