I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
