The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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