Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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