Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
