Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
