PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
