I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
