What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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