Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
